Cliff Johnson’s Treasures from the InterWeb  

>Take One<

What I call Halloween fireworks, the police call arson.

>Take Two<

How to kill a joke dead in its tracks.

“Knock. Knock.”

“Come in.”

>Take Three<

The invisible man married the invisible woman. Their kids were nothing to look at.

>Take Four<

Why do programmers confuse Halloween and Christmas?

Because OCT 31 = DEC 25.

>Take Five<

Two men walking home decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery. They were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise and found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.

“You scared us half to death!” one shouted. “We thought you were a ghost! What are you doing out here so late at night?”

“Those fools!” the old man grumbled. “They misspelled my name!”

>Take Six<

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down?

We might. If they screamed all the time for no good reason.

>Take Seven<

While eating a circus clown, one cannibal remarks to the other, “Does he taste funny to you?”